one word: FAT

but delicious :)
It has been almost over a year til today since I have last eaten chicken nuggets from what I remember. That or it just felt like forever. Eating McDonalds gives me that feeling of being a child again, maybe because it was a favorite past time with my family. I still get excited to see the new toys of Happy Meals. Although this is quite deadly, it makes me happy :).
Working 3-days in a row was very tiring, but I feel very accomplished. My managers seem to love me. Oooh and I bought clothes from MetroPark today and I'm happy because I spent as much as how much 1 dress would usually cost, when I left the store with 3 dresses and 1 scarf.

I would also like to introduce my new co-pilot(for my car rides)
He's a labbit with a mustache.
Work sells the weirdest stuff, and this by far is the weirdest thing I've bought from work. But it makes me laugh...
because it shows the butthole.

Au Revior.

Role Model

is a funny movie :)
To the right is the dress I bought during the Black Friday madness. It doesn't look as nice as it did when it's actually tried on. The only downside of this dress is that it was tight around the bust area :P not that I am gifted around that area, but maybe it was made for girls smaller than me. I like the look of the dress, when I tried it on it had a 1920s look to it. I'm planning to accessorize with white pumps and a white flower for my hair. Maybe some red lipstick to make everything just pop.










These are a few pictures of how I would imagine it would look like. I will however take pictures of my outfit when it all comes together. Voila!

Work was fun today. Registers all day. Tomorrow is another day!

Black Friday 2008

was pretty interesting.
Before I talk about how today went I want to recap yesterdays holiday festivities. It consisted of preparing, cooking, eating, resting, eating some more. fun. eating. etc. Playing Rockband with my sister and cousin, must have been the highlight of my day, and on top of that, my baby cousin laughing and smiling often. After all of that was over we left my aunt's house and came home. I was deciding where and when I should start shopping...
I made the decision to go at 4am. and so I did. Places were open and people were lined up outside of the places that weren't open just yet. I, however, found something worth buying. It ended up being a simple black dress that has a little "umph" to it and some jewelry (bling bling) to go along with it. After purchasing that dress I left the mall and slept in my car for about 2hrs until I had to go to work. I have to admit I loved how busy the store was. I worked an 8hr shift and it didn't even feel like it. The best part of my day would probably have been dinner with my high school friends. It's nice to know that no matter how busy our lives may be, we all still have our friendship to keep us together. goodnight.

Happy Thanksgiving 2008

I can't believe how quick the year has gone by and how so many struggles have brought me to where I am today.
As the year is coming to an end I'm going to take my time to contemplate on how I want to live the upcoming year. A lot is going to surely change but as for now, I can't complain about life, because in the end I should be thankful for what I have. In the spirit of Thanksgiving I would like to make my list: I am thankful for...Family, Friends, relatives, doggie, fraternity, education, music, nature, and a whole bunch of other things.

As long as the people around me are happy I will try my best to be happy as well. Too much thinking hurts my head and my heart, I'm going to take a break from all that. and just EAT til I explode.
next stop...Christmas season :)

bonding

...with my lil and big, are one of my favorite moments in life.

Today:
woke up.
errands.
dropped grandma off.
lunch with joey.
mall.
dropped him off.
allan's house.
picked up lil.
surprised big.
guppies.
tim's house.
drop off lil.
drove home behind a sexy ISF :)

tiiirrreeed.
Happy Thanksgiving in a few.

don't be in a rush...

to grow up. but it's okay to want to grow up the right way.
I need that motivation, discipline, and rush of adrenaline to want to become better. To fix the mistakes I've made and to clean up the mess I've started. Doing this for others but most of all doing this to better myself.

I love the rain. The sound, smell, and feel of it. Walking in the rain under an umbrella, makes me feel happy.
Today I..
dropped my car off at the dealership.
biggie picked me up.
went to school.
waited around.
lunch with biggie, lil, dia, and john.
ben&jerry's
took daddy to the airport.
dinner with joey-bear.
drive home.
target.

When you put your whole heart into something, try your best not to expect too much, just do it because you feel you can make a difference in someones life. I'm happy to have what I've been given.

its at the end of the day...

when my thoughts overcome me the most.
and its you I'm thinking of.

I'm still hurting, fearing, and doubting myself. Emotionally, I don't think I am strong enough to leave.

2,050 miles

away from home...
I am such a cry baby.
That's what I pretty much did all day, cry my eyes out. I asked myself, "why the f!@k am I crying?" and my friend says to me,"You're crying because you know how hard it's going to be for you, and how you have to eventually let go." which is true. I don't want to have to leave my life behind. and I know I may be getting ahead of myself because I haven't actually gone about doing something about this. but It already feels as if I'm leaving in a few weeks. its not %100 but sure damn close to %75. Its a gigantic step outside of my glass box, but it's a leap of faith that I'll have to take in order to actually grow up.

I am afraid beyond belief. I'm probably going to be crying for the next few weeks.
I cry now when I haven't done anything but discuss it with family and friends, Imagine when I actually go through with it. :(

its ok to be afraid

to want to be different. to want something unordinary. to become unordinary. to help our country. to help myself. to hope for the better. to think about myself. to think of it in the long run. for my future. to change. to allow change. to hurt. to cry. to want to do something about it. to believe. to achieve. to want this more than anything else.

I fear if I make this choice I will come back to nothing. But I'm wrong. In the end I WILL have everything hoped for and more.

I'm sorry if the decision seems irrational. but I CAN do this. I know I CAN.
I need the support. That's all I am asking for.

Sleep. Church. Contemplating time. Work 4-8pm.

I am thankful for my life.

realize realization

its been on my mind.
I know that I will be ok...its ok to leave and step out into another world outside of my comfort zone.

Today:
volunteer: assisted people with disabilities who enjoy the exciting sport of rowing.
park day with UCI-Rho Rho Chapter.
nap.
dinner with friends.
talk with the best friend.

Now I am going to take the time to think about everything else.
I CAN DO THIS!

navy reserve

has been on my mind for the longest time. Am I going to do something about it?
I have the feeling of fear but excitement at the thought.

school. lunch. home. alpha family project. Alpha Phi Omega Thanksgiving dinner. parking lot. 7-eleven. home.

Today seemed like it took forever to end. and its not even over yet. The dinner tonight was exactly like Thanksgiving but a week ahead. There was turkey, ham, mashed potatoes, corn bread, mac-n-cheese, and pumpkin pie. I AM STUFFED.

Tomorrow Service, Hangout with Friendsies.
My mind is sooo upset right now.

draaaggg...

work was unbearably boring. there weren't much customers and I had to put away shipment so it wasn't one of those fun days. although ken and stella came by for a visit, and bought something.
This morning for some reason I set my alarm to the wrong time and I woke up late and missed my first class :( I napped in my car when I got to school. and had lunch at Kabuki. yummy for some yellow tail and Philadelphia roll. sushi is just too good. I wonder who specifically decided to cut up a fish and wrap it in seaweed and rice, because they are definitely a genius.
goodnight.

rocker

So an hour or so ago, my sister and I were talking and she mentioned how I go for a rocker look in my style. And defensively I replied "No I don't". Well a few minutes after once we ended the conversation I was looking through the new issue of Seventeen magazine I came across a page with shoes and the image to the left of this blog caught my eye. It so happens that it was specifically categorized under the style "rocker".
On top of all that, aren't these shoes cute? they have that zipper detail that makes it either casual or formal. The heel is a bit too high for me though, but maybe if I try them on I'd fall in love some more. But because financially I should be saving up, I will have to refrain from purchasing them.
So today was very productive. I went to class watched an Underwater birth video, and I can honestly say from watching that, one day I would probably want to go through that procedure rather than a hospital setting and medications. Natural birth that way seemed to form a different connection between the mother and child along with the husband as well. After class I came back to the union and said hello to my fellow AphiO Bros. Took the extra free time out of my day to go to the Horn Center and start on some early homework and readings. Time passed, and soon headed for home. I was able to watch past episodes of Gossip Girls and One Tree Hill that I missed this past monday. They were amazing! now I have to wait 2 weeks for another new episode. I knocked out for a bit. woke up and ate like crazy. In the meantime I'm probably going to eat some more when my sister comes home from work. I sure hope this is PMS-eating.
Wow where to begin, so much drama is yet to come my way...school, fraternity issues, busy work schedule, etc. I'm starting to lose hope in myself, in current situations, and in life itself. I don't want to be in that apathetic state again. So I am trying, maybe I just need to try harder. but sometimes I can't help but think...
Why isn't my best ever good enough?

contemplative

You can never find a sense of who you really are, only until the point of almost losing yourself. I have myself to blame to feel the way I feel. Pessimism has taken over a few of my thoughts. It is my own fault and mistakes that lead me to this state of mind. but have you ever had the feeling as if the world is falling down upon your shoulders and there you are left all alone to carry it up on your own? whether or not others are there to support you and offer the help that you may need, you still choose to take such a heavy load and would prefer to handle it all by yourself. even if it means nothing will ever be the same. I've failed others, and most of all myself. It seems as if I'm falling down the drain into a sea of endless possibilities and struggles. I don't want to end up living the life I would never see myself doing. I want to be different. I want change. Never in my life have I ever wanted change, especially when I felt as if life was perfect with the way things had been going, but just recently I thought, maybe change is necessary to move on.

I pray for the worst to become better. I pray for the well-being of others around me. I pray for genuine happiness.

Today is going to be another loooonnggg day going into night.
School. homework: work on essay, women studies notes. Alpha Phi Omega meeting @ 6:30pm.

after my day:
Im home tired and hungry. I hate being happy one moment then not so happy the next. Why does bad things always happen to good people? There are those who work so hard putting time and effort into something, and it all of a sudden backfires. FFF*****KKKK my life right now. hope for the best

yummm.

we came up with the conclusion that Bj's Restaurant has one of the best lunch menu options.

Today was very chill. Even though my teacher didnt show up to class which ended up being a waste of gas, time, etc. After I spent some time at the union with AphiO people. then went to lunch with loverboy. funny encounter today, I couldn't help but laugh. Lunch was delicious. Went over to J's house and I attempted to fix his wireless but I failed so I took it home so that I could focus more attention on it. watched one of my favorite food shows where the guys eats weird stuff from different parts of the world...and then some. Finally, I went home napped til about 7pm figured out what I wanted my research paper topic to be on. and the best part of my day was fixing the laptop. Like for some odd reason I couldn't stop smiling once I saw 'wireless connection: connected' Damn proud of myself :) Today could have been a bad day, depending on what way I look at it. But having a talk with one of my best friends really changed my perspective. It could have been bad but if I don't allow the pessimism then..overall it was good. verrrrryyy good ;P

However, tomorrow is going to be a very busy day/night.
Cross my fingers and hope everything turns out okay.

By the way I love Justin Timberlake.
YOU HAVE TO WATCH THIS..IT'S A MUST.

unbelievably fascinating

to work with so many people that I enjoy being around with.
So today I worked a 12pm-5pm shift then back for a meeting 8pm-11pm.
It was one of those days that reminds me why I love working at MetroPark so much.
The managers actually care. The co-workers are pretty much my friends rather than co-workers.

Okay so for my 3hour break. I went to dinner at Thai Bbq with Mr. Joey. Its nice to spend time and relax after work over some good food. Laughter was definitely my favorite part. After dinner he left, and so I decided to get my eyebrows done, and might i include they are looking pretty fresh :P. So then I napped in my car for about an hour or so. and headed over to work. Hungout with the Old school, then met the newbies (because excited to say, I am no longer a newbie). Meeting was a blast.

Now I am home, procrastinating/dreading to do homework. and is about to watch a few episodes of shows I missed this past week. To share a few thoughts on my mind, I was glad to be awaken from my sleep at about 2:30am-ish and have to hear those few words, quite comforting really. Today I am okay, quite happy I must admit. But tomorrow is another day we'll see how things go. :) x five <3

Tomorrow brings: School. Homework. Chill. Birthday Dinner(?).
til then...
A tout a l'heure
(I might rekindle my interent in French next semester. exciting?)

sit back. kick back.

Sitting home all day was pretty relaxing I must say.

tomorrow I'm not looking forward to the day...
work yes...but the day itself...dreading it.

my oh my...what has life gotten me into?

fast paced.

work was fun today.
The other day I did women and today I ended up doing the men section. On top of that I had to juggle cash registers, etc.

Today I...
went to school.
interview with Cleofaye.
nap.
pick up laptop from Kentaro.
Lunch. dim sum from Ten Ten.
hangout. watch ratatouille. nap some more.
Albertsons.
Work 6pm-10pm.
Home.
bake cupcakes.

My day seemed productive, contemplative, and hopeful.

i'm lost.

in my thoughts.
I keep wondering what is it that I can do...I'm still so scared of a million reasons. I need that comforting reassurance. or else I tend to lose all hope.

I found out something. why does things like this happen to me? Its always unexpected. but it made me think a lot. because it's possible...eventually...but comes with a lot of extra baggage. I'm stuck.

Work was fun today :) I updated 2 walls in the woman's section. meaning I got to visually arrange things. which was a lot of fun for me. Tomorrow work shouldn't be too bad.
This coming weekend is going to be crraaazzzyy though. work, aphio events, bball games, anything else?

I'm much more smarter than people think :P
GOODNIGHT WORLD.

back on track

Lately, I've been having good days, because I'm allowing myself to.
Today was fun.
School.
Pick up DVD.
Grocery shopping with grandma.
Nap.
Work didn't need me today.
Watched the Men in my life play bball.
Tennis w/ Friends.
Dinner w/ Joey.
as for now...it's homework time.
Tomorrow is going to be a long day :\ but I'll manage.
school. work 6-9:30pm. IC event(maybe)

Things will get better...one step at a time.

The best thing about me is you.

I hate thinking...makes me sad.

I had a decent day today. Lots of rest was involved :] I love the cold weather and hiding under warm blankets.
Unfortunately for the next few days its going to be hot! I am not looking forward to it.

ok no more procrastinating, back to doing homework.

sunflower and tulips

All I've got to say is...
I had the most AMAZING birthday weekend, and I cannot express how happy I am to know I have such great friends in my life. the end of a great weekend.

"It's perfectly okay to admit that a commitment is not right for you and to reject it outright. This is your life, your passionate future. What's not okay is to hold back and put less than everything into a commitment that is your passion. If you want something, go for it all the way and go for it now. When you do, you'll wake up every day to a life you love."

Take a second, look within your own life, and relate this toward either school, career choice, relationships, friendships, etc.
Makes you wonder.

i have...

the most amazing friends EVER.

Last night, they kidnapped me. blindfolded me. surprised me to go see WICKED.
I am still shocked til this very moment, and I cannot express how thankful I really am.
I loved it entirely and it is the best surprise I've ever gotten in my whole 19 years of living :)
Thank you...Clarice, Allan, Heather, Queenie, Jason, and Roland.
I love you all. Never would I have thought I could have best friends like you guys.

Today was pretty tiring but fun at the same time. Pledges did a good job hosting their fellowship. Football was funny :) tonight is another night!!!

antsy

tonight my friends are planning to surprise me with something...
I have no idea what's in store but I trust them :P

time to get ready.
for a nightly adventure!!

happy birthday to me!

highlights:
_Clarice, Allan, Biggie, Jean and Dari arriving at my house at 12am to greet me happy birthday and attack me with silly string :)
_Having my sisters' 6th grade students all greet me a Happy Birthday over the phone from New York.
_Hanging out with Biggie and my Lil...eating carne asada fries and nachos, taking pictures at CUE.
_Dinner with my favorites.


expected too much. but its okay :) I had a good birthday.

green.

wear green today :) why? haha just because.

This morning I woke up feeling super lazy. but I had to get up for class at 8am.
So I got dressed, made myself a hot cup of island mango & peach tea. but as I was driving to school I burnt my tongue :( even though it hurt. it was surely delicious :P

Overall my day felt super accomplished. I DONATED BLOOD for the first time today. and I was super scared but I went through it and I felt really good about helping someone out wherever they needed it. On top of that I volunteered for 3 hours at the blood drive. and to see soooo many people willing to donate made me quite happy.

Tomorrow is my birthday :)

advice.

...just take it one day at a time.

It's all I could do. can do. will do...

...to make it seem everything will be alright.

"I think that the loss of someone, whether this person dies or just goes away is always a transition to a new part of your life. Feeling this pain is absolutely necessary although you think that the pain will never go away and that it is so unfair that you have to suffer. It was already clear that you would lose this person before you even met them. We are always alone on this world, the people we meet just stay in our life for a certain time. Their task is it to support us or to show us something, to lead us somewhere etc. But one day they will leave us. So we have to take care of ourselves and try not to lose ourselves in another person because it is inevitable that this other person will go away, and when we give up ourselves we are finally lost. So I think the best way to come to terms with a loss is to remember the good moments with this person and to take care of our dreams and ourselves."

...statement is well said. In addition, I believe that not all people are going to leave you depending on certain situations and if they were to leave you it'd probably be because of death.

I am sooo unbelievably freakin' afraid...I can't even sleep or eat properly.
I wish i could just hide from the whole world simply by covering myself in my blankets.


I VOTED for the 2008 Presidential Election

today was better than yesterday...

I seemed to be happy today :P with a few issues here and there, but I managed to live through it. Last night/ this morning I didn't get any sleep because I was studying for my midterm for my women studies class. But for some odd reason I was unbelievably hyper and crazy this morning. I couldn't sit still and I was talking really fast. I even got to school at about 6:50am and just sat in my car like a crazy person. Then when Clarice came to school we went over to the Student Union to study some more. Soon enough I had to take my midterm at 10am. Safe to say I think I did alright on it. After class I thought to myself because my birthday is coming up I decided to spend some money on myself for some new clothing. I'm generally tired of Cerritos Mall and so Joey and I went to South Coast Plaza in Costa Mesa, which by the way doesn't have a Forever 21 (can you believe that?). Instead of staying there we left and headed over to Irvine Spectrum. Shopped at H&M, Forever 21, and Urban Outfitters. To Top all of that off, we finished off the little shopping trip with some funnel cake with powdered sugar, fresh strawberries, and some whip cream on top. Needless to say but, spending time with him makes me happy.

As for now, I will be writing my essay for english class about a novel I had read a few weeks ago. I'm missing my favorite shows, Gossip Girl and One Tree Hill tonight only because I need to focus. Plus the wonderful world of technology allows me to just catch up on it online :)

Tomorrow is Election Day. I wonder how it's going to go. Who's going to win? and if everything is going to turn out alright.

I have a few unanswered questions I wanna get off my mind...

unsatisfied.

with myself and a whole bunch of other things.

Work although was quite interesting today. I worked friday, saturday, and sunday. I am quite proud of myself especially knowing that means a big check is going to come my way.

Please disregard my last post. I think I'm going crazy. But who isn't crazy these days...
I do however hate the position I'm in. I'm happy enough to the point that I should be thankful for what I am able to receive. But the selfish part of me is hurting.
I hate this restraint, of wanting to do certain things, but isn't able to...makes me sad all over again.
tell me how to feel. I want to know if you're happy or if there is something that I might accidentally do that may make everything fall apart. I hate having questions with no answers.

Seeing Sampaguita friends last night was out of the blue. It was my attempt to step out of my comfort zone and it was too awkward at first. I do however miss dancing, made me want to do it all over again, but I'm already in too many other activities.

I'm going to be up all tonight!
studying? about women lol.

% days til my bday...

epic story

to end october and fun way to start november. 6 more days til my birthday!

<-my luna marie :) Lsst night it ended up that I became care taker for the night before I left the party, but I'm not complaining beceause I'd definitely choose to sit with my friends holding their hair back as they puke their brains out, rather than go home anyday. Despite all the fun, throughout the night I couldn't help but feel somewhat alone still. And I realized I talk too much sometimes haha. I'm waiting wishing and wondering for things to be okay. It takes a lot to make a person realize how much the other makes them happy. How do you know? Usually when you're with someone you tend to do better in life whether it be through school, work, even at home. Yet when you feel like you've lost that sense of wanting to better in your life thats when you know they make your life that much better because you want to be a more better person. People may think that usually your first love is the one person in your life who sets the standards for the chance of ever loving again. The way I see it is, first loves were only the beginning in the search of someone much better. I look back and think of how stupid and naive I was to believe that this is it not thinking that there are so many people in the world that you're going to meet who can impact your life so much more in the way you would want to be treated. I'm sorry to say and surely let me know if you think indifferently...but for my first love...I don't ever think I was ever really in love with him, but only in love with the thought of being in love. I think because over the period of the relationship we learned to just be with each other rather than wanting to be with each other, things began to become more uniform. When you give your everything and receive nothing in return for so long, all that made me realize it wasn't the person I was with who made the love present, it seemed to be me all along. I think I'm just going crazy :\
From that I may have gotten hurt, in which I thought again, this is it, never again will things ever be the same for me. But the world is filled with different people and nothing is ever going to be the same. You've got to learn that there may be a chance that life might screw you over once again but sometimes its worth the risk, the rejection, and mostly the experience, so that one day it may allow you to give yourself completely.

I'm not a perfect person, I'll make mistakes from time to time, but I will reassure you communication between one another. I would rather tell you what you need to hear than what I think you want to hear. I will never intentionally hurt you. I will give you my heart when you're willing to take it with care. I will give you whatever you need even if it means I have to hurt.

I did it once, and I can do this again. but when the second time comes around its not going to be easy because I'm stubborn and scared shitless of a lot of things that may happen along the way. If I tried again and began to give my all, knowing there's a possibility of everything happening again, with the feeling of receiving the love in return or at least partially there, what am I supposed to think? That's my risk. This time I'm willing to..its much more worth it to me.

work 12-4(7)
free for the rest of the day.