lost for words

I'm at this certain state in which, time is of the essence. I've realized yeah I'm still young but not young enough to not have to worry. Worry about life after college, looking for places to stay, a career to succeed in... The list goes on and on. I look at other people and I wonder "How did they make it to where they're at today?". I feel like, because out of my sisters I've been the only one who hasn't been able to experience the life away from my parents and that I am lacking in the ability to branch out and grow on my own. To EXPERIENCE the reality of life. I've learned how to cook, I've learned how to do my own laundry, I've learned how to keep a job for more than 1-2 years... all that sometimes makes me wonder how would it be if tomorrow I went up to my parents and said, "Mom, Dad... I'm moving out". I know for a fact that it's going to be hard and that there will be many obstacles but maybe I need that. I can't be sheltered like this. I want to work for the things I have because that's how it's going to be. Maybe I'm not ready or maybe I am, you never know until you let me try...

Oh how wondrous thoughts run through my head... I can't seem to tame them, because I thrive for more.

forgive me.

for I am...
too confusing to understand.
too hurt to be okay.
too broken to be fixed.
too crazy to be sane.
too insecure to be confident.
too afraid to feel safe.
absolutely confuzzled.

life can be scary

especially when you don't know.. what will come next..

Valentine's Day 2010

simplicity.
is what makes me happy the most.

Today the boyfriend and I decided we wanted to go to Outback Steakhouse for dinner. and so we went and waited for about 1hour 40min. so we decided we'll order to go.. and as we were at the take-out area. I was thinking "im just want L&L" and then that's when I let my thoughts out loud. and he agreed... that in itself made me happy. It doesn't matter what I do or where I eat, just as long as he's happy too. When we got home with the L&L, i was thinking.. man my mom is going to laugh at us because we waited for however long and just came home with fast food...
but as we reached the kitchen table and told her what happen she said... "aww it's ok, it doesn't matter because valentine's day is everyday"... she's right.
I loved him yesterday, i love him today, and i know for sure i will still love him tomorrow.
Happy Valentine's Day my love.

why do birds fly?

and why do some boys act the way they do? i always yearn for answers to questions that are hard to find. with that said i feel this way because of this...
i had a conversation with one of my friends early this morning, and he has been one of my good friends throughout the years. Yeah we don't hangout or we barely have conversations. but it's that kind of friendship that you can always just stop and continue on again when the time permits. before I rant on, i'm going to add a little background because honestly, i'm upset with his actions... he has been with his gf for a few yesrs already. and he loves her she loves him. BUT (because there always has to be a but) lately he's been putting himself in situations that he shouldn't be in. like hanging out with a girl that he himself admitted he has a crush on?!? first of all WHY ARE YOU CRUSHING ON GIRLS when you have a gf? and second of all why are you hanging out with the girl you have a crush on past midnight in classrooms talking about sex? then here you are telling me that you HAD to look away from the girl because you were oh so tempted!! if you want to be able to go out have fun, yet still be with your girl. don't talk the way you do to other girls. but if you don't want to change that... maybe you shouldn't be in the relationship you are in just yet. it's unfair for her.

and here i go...
I get mad at simple things my guy friends tell me when they clearly know i have a bf or i get upset to see what they do behind their gf's backs. They have absolutely amazing gfs that care about them and love them. i figure maybe they don't deserve them? maybe they're just not ready. or maybe they just need to realize.

I take things and analyze it. try to understand it. and when i can't... that's when i question.

astrology outcomes...

intrigues me like no other. however i do enjoy how it can totally relate...

Love&Relationship for 2010:
"Year 2010 Romantic
Regardless of whether you're in a relationship or not, Scorpio, you're certainly going to be getting a lot of potential romantic attention this year, and you'll be having a lot of fun with it. Expansive Jupiter starts the year in your Romance Sector, and even if you aren't looking for a relationship, the opportunities will be there. Conditions may not have been the best in the recent past for you, but all of that is over for now. Time to cut loose! June, July and August is prime time to strike. If you're looking for a relationship (or want to solidify an existing one), make the effort during those three months and you'll be rewarded.

When it comes to actual total love in your life, 2010 will be better than what you've seen the last few years. You've probably learned a lot about how you fit into other people's lives, and you'll be able to judge your relationships more wisely as a result. If you're in a committed relationship now, April and May will prove to be excellent. If you aren't in one at that time, it may just be the time to kick an existing relationship up a notch, or find a new romance.

One thing to watch out for this year is irrational attachments: flings, in other words. You'll have more than the usual urge to splurge with your affections like someone spending their lottery win. If you're looking to avoid that sort of thing in your life, you'd better stay out from under the mistletoe in November and December."
[taken from Yahoo Astrology: Scorpio]

...completely amazed and baffled by its somewhat accuracy. and maybe the fact that it could be actually true or i'm just over thinking A LOT.

i tend to think a lot. good? bad?